Separation can be a Healthy
Step to Avoid Divorce

People think of separation as a prelude to a divorce. However, there are times when a separation can be a healthy step in saving your marriage, and a way to avoid divorce. If your marriage has become difficult and you are considering divorce, a separation can be a time to rejuvenate and heal your marriage.

Time to Work on Yourself

One of the greatest advantages of a separation is that it gives you time to reflect and to work on yourself. All people have areas in which they can improve. However, it can be difficult to work on yourself when you are living in a partnership with a great deal of conflict. A separation lets you have the breathing room you need to make healthy changes in yourself.

Working on Problems in a Safe Space

Marriage counseling is essential to healing a broken relationship and avoid divorce. However, it can be difficult to work together in counseling when you are arguing and bickering outside the counselor's office. Sometimes a couple needs to separate and reduce their contact so they can break bad communication patterns and build new, healthy patterns. High quality counseling often is the difference between a separation that leads to divorce and one that leads to a renewed relationship.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

It is easy to forget why you love your spouse when you are living in perpetual conflict. Sometimes you need to separate for a while and communicate only in controlled environments so you can remember why you love them. When you are not living in constant anger and sadness, you may feel the spark renewed. You probably did not fall in love with your spouse while sharing your space and time constantly, and you won't fall in love a second time while doing that either.

Space to Heal

It is hard to forgive your spouse and heal from past hurts while you are living in conflict. You need space and time to work through your anger and disappointment. Your spouse likely needs this as well. Separation lets your wounds heal without being constantly reopened. This is essential to moving on from the conflicts of the past and to avoid divorce.

Reconnecting as Lovers and Friends

If you and your partner can take a step back from daily bickering and past wounds, your time in counseling will allow you to learn new patterns and ultimately to reconnect as the lovers and friends that you once were. You can practice your new communication skills in dates and outings, remembering the reasons that you fell in love. This reconnection ultimately is what will prevent divorce, and it isn't possible while you are living together unhappily.

For many couples, a temporary separation is the only way to avoid divorce. It is not giving up on your marriage, but rather taking a step to stop the pain so you can heal your marriage in counseling. If you and your partner are considering divorce, it is time to talk to a marriage counselor about ways to rebuild and rejuvenate your relationship.

About the Author:

Christopher S. is an author from Tulsa, Oklahoma who is passionate about encouraging healthy family values for all communities while working with the Gorospe & Smith Tulsa Divorce Lawyer Firm in his own community.

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